I didn’t manage to land this before Saturday departed. For this I apologize.
I am afflicted with compulsive editing syndrome. It manifests in various ways.
I have trouble with simple email discourse. I tend to overthink and so struggle over what should be straightforward responses.
It took the entirety of restraint and reason not to immediately follow this simple chain with an apologetic amendment email to K. Something like this:
I am aware as I type this that I am probably being ridiculous. Nonetheless, if it were possible to edit an email after the fact, I would remove the second ‘I am’
Even having resisted the impulse I am face to palming in real time right now.
When a major life change begins peeking I begin feeling the need to rearrange my little studio and purge clutter. Each time I am convinced I get a little closer to the most efficient version of my space. There is parity here between the psychology of the new and opportune and the need to feel organized and composed when embarking onward.
When one of my heroes disappoints I find myself in a combination of confusion, dismay, and anger. I will likely get more specific in a future post. Needless to say this has happened recently and I find myself moving the writer in question’s works from place to place on my shelves. Half wanting them out of my space and half not wanting to unwittingly expose another to the anguish I am feeling. Simultaneously these works are profoundly important to who I am and how I create. I find myself conundrumed. I suppose I could label each book with a trigger warning sign and detailed description… hm and *sigh/growl*
More on this in futuro.
I think I’ll wrap here this week. Spent.
Were I to change a sentence above it would be the one about compulsive editing syndrome. Something like:
I am a compulsive editor.
Onward all til next week ~